I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm at about main and main street
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
