i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
