Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
