So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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