She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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