Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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