her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
