if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He passed out mid-signature
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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