Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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