you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Randomize
