if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize