omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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