hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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