Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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