i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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