peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
