wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
how does that bad decision feel?
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