i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
