she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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