Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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