Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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