I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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