someone threw a dead crab at me
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
