So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
