you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
