Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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