I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
