I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize