my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
