last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
