I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Your penis caused this!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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