It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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