"it" just moved
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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