I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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