I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just pee around me
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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