Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
