The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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