your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Randomize
