I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
