It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
