"it" just moved
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
