I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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