if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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