we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize