True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
