So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize