Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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