Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
