Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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