She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Why is your signature on my underwear?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Randomize
