As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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