i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Terrible idea I love it
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
