Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You left your phone here
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