I will die if light touches me.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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