Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
