i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
