you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
