you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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