I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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