She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
