Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
