dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I use my feet as sexual weapons
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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