my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
