i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
