i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
